C+

I am disappointed. Majorly. Most of the time when grades drop I get pleasant surprises but not this time. This time I recieved a C in my Buddhism class. I was so upset I burst into tears. Now before you start judging and saying to yourself, "This girl is clueless, there a 99 million things for her to be upset about and getting a C in a class should not be one of them". Yes, I realize this. But I worked my butt off in this class. This term I did not party, procrastinate on my homework or anything that would lead to poor grades in a typical way. My spare time was spent working on intellectual pursuits and stimulating films, (from which I can pick out Buddhist themes by the way).

But honestly the thing that upset me most was that I calculated my grade beforehand, I had a B, an 83%. So I e-mailed my prof a very polite letter asking if there had been a mistake. I got an automated e-mail response, he is out of his office until next Monday. So much I can do about that.

A C has more implications than just being a C. I was mentally prepared to get an A, two B's and two S's or passing grades this term. S's do not count on your GPA and so my overall GPA would be a low 3.0. Not to worry. And of course this whole thing completely derails me. Yes, just like a train. Chugging along, feeling that life is good and then WHAM! derailed. Cars topple off, the engine rolls over, I am not sure if you have ever seen a derailment before but it is not pretty. Everything is just tangled and twisted medal. It takes weeks to clean up.

So to carry the metaphor further my derailment has upset cars full of my self-esteem, plans, hopes and general feelings about life.

Now here is where the pity party starts. (P.s.Your invited!)

Many of my close friends and relatives have left the country. My best friend is currently in Spain and travels around Europe on a regular basis. My cousin works in the Peace Corp in Zambia. Her and her sister are very excited to travel to Paris for Christmas. I am happy for these people. But its like working all summer at some horrible job when you know that other people are somewhere tropical doing everything they want to do.

I view life as a chess board; one strategic move at a time with a eye on what is to come, anticipating moves. I say to myself, "What should I do to get from where I am to where I want to go?" and I then lay the best foundation I can. But it often makes it so I a) work to hard b) don't always enjoy what is in front of me or c) am not as spontaneous as I should be. Right now I am working on not one but two Bachelors degrees to be completed spring of 2012. This has not been particularly easy. I busted my ass in high school for this. I laid the foundation for it years ago. That is just how I am.

I don't know where I was going with this post. Just rambling I suppose. Maybe the essence of this story is no matter how much you plan you cannot always anticipate everything. You have to roll with the punches. I think I will just take that advice and move on.

-C