Rooting

Over the last month I have been meditating on the idea of “rooting”. I am not really sure how I would even define this word in the context in which I use it. To me, being a rooted individual is to be both strong and flexible.  To be grounded in the things that I believe but still being able to adjust and laugh at myself. It is sort of a delicate balance.

I have never been a very rooted person. I am often flighty, easily swayed by others emotions, and shy away from long term commitments for fear of making a wrong decision. This means that I rarely can accomplish something to its fullest and I rarely have friends that are deeply bound to me.

Because of my training as an actor I am able to detect this lack of rooting psychologically and become aware of how it manifests physically.  For instance, people are often lead throughout their day by a certain part of them. Some people have their knees as the part that leads them places while others have their pelvis. I am often lead around by my head and my chest (heart) while my feet and my lower body is consequently left trying to keep up. Everywhere I go I am emotionally and mentally engaged but other parts of me just are left along for the ride.

I feel like this is very symbolic of my detachment from that natural world. When I walk my mind is so full of ideas that I neglect the world around me. I do not soak in the sounds of life about me nor do I take in the sensations that could comfort me.  I simply disengage.

Those who practice yoga know the importance of grounding oneself. For perfect balance an individual must focus on what all parts of the body are doing. Even simple yoga poses can bring awareness to the feeling of the earth underneath us.  

I think one of the most beautiful examples of the importance of rooting comes from the story of the Buddha. It is said that when the Buddha was tempted by the forces evil he sat underneath a tree and remained calm. He promised to help all living and sentient beings break from the cycle of suffering.  When the evil one wanted to know who was his witness, the Buddha simply reached down and touched the earth.  Suddenly there was an earthquake and the forces of evil fled.

How beautiful to think that the earth would be our witness; to support us and care for us. We as a culture have moved far from the earth. We do not work so closely with it. We become caught up in more consuming things and before we know it we have lost our sense of self.

In effort to root myself I become more self aware and more focused on things that truly matter. I do not let little inconveniences upset me.  I forgive others more easily and I become less vulnerable. But with all things, this process takes time and patience.  I just keep working at it. I do the best I can.

Namaste.

CCosner

On Break

I am on break for a few days from camp. The first session was tiring but I lived. Thankfully I am also going to be able to work an extended session. I am pretty happy about it. I need the money and I can always use the job experience. The cabin above has been and will continue to be my home for the next month. Like the prayer flags? I finished them about a week before I left.

Being in the mountains away from my cell phone and internet can be a huge blessing. I have to really focus on who I am and what I am doing here in the real world instead of focusing so much on the virtual world. I love being in the outdoors and I really love having the downtime. College for nine months can be so draining and so I love to retreat to this place and recharge.

I am happy to return to my parents house for a while and check up on my dad and I's latest project. Before I left a few weeks ago, we started a home brew! Now I will throw out there that I know very little about making beer but I have pretty much decided that I would love to be a brewer as a job. What you see here is called a carboy and it holds the mostly fermented beer.Next we are going to move into the bottling phase. This is about five gallons of beer!! Omg I am so excited to taste it! Part of this has been somewhat of a discovery of my German heritage. I never liked beer until this winter when one of my freinds introduced me to good beer. Now I am a very picky beer drinker. I like micro brews that are mainly stouts and porters. If it is the color of coffee than I much prefer it to light beers. Anyway, as you can tell, this beer is defiantly falling into the coffee category.

Hopefully I can check in once more before I return to the mountains.

CCosner

Beautiful

Today was one of those terrifyingly stressful days. But it was brilliantly sunny and then I came home riding on my bike. It is amazing how therapeutic riding my bike has become. Suddenly the world was beautiful and perfect and nothing is wrong. Or rather, everything that seems wrong becomes so small and petty and so unworthy my time or stress. I come home and ignore my homework. Instead I do my dishes, tidy up, drink a glass of wine and listen to some music. I feel peaceful. It is amazing how taking on new lifestyle choices can help you find new peace that you might not have encountered normally.

Summer is on its way. I can feel it. It makes this all a little easier knowing it is so close.

eBay Selling Attempts

Trying to get rid of things can be a real bugger for those of us who are environmentally conscious. I mean, I can hardly bare the thought of throwing away packaging and peelings let alone perfectly good stuff. Since my pay is being debilitated this month I have to get more creative.

So I am embarking on a magnificent journey into eBay land. I borrowed a friend's eBay account and have listed one childhood toy, a My Little Pony. Two days are left till the end of the auction. I know that the bidding wars usually start nearing the last few hours and with 5 watches I should be pretty set.

(Oh God, please make it sell for enough to pay my phone bill. Please, please, please!)

On that note, I now am making a pile of stuff to list. Maybe I can pay my internet too. Now wouldn't that be nice.

I love being a student.

Saturday Afternoon Fun

I had heard of the no-poo (No Shampoo) fad that is going on lately. I read about it on this blog. It really intrigued me so I decided to give it a try. The results were pretty good. I was pleasantly surprised. According to the plan, you stop using shampoo and instead wash your hair with  baking soda and vinegar. At first your scalp will rebel and continue it hyper-active oil production, but over time it will even out and your hair will be healthy and clean minus the toxic chemicals. From what I have read it can take up to three weeks to get things to stabilize. I am not sure that I can ride that out right now but maybe this summer I will give it a go.

I did try one no-poo washing and was happy with how my hair looked and felt. I do not wash my hair super often, once every other or every third day so maybe the transition might not be as bad. I think it is pretty cool to be able to use these simple ingredients for hair cleaning.

Of course, these things prompted me to take a look at the chemicals in many of my personal care product. This is a topic that never ceases to depress me. Even the most benign of products can have a raft of nasty chemicals in them. You can check your personal care products at the Cosmetics Database. They have lists of good and bad products so that you can make a different choice. I have slowly began to weed out my old products and will be replacing them with something better soon. Dr. Bonner's All in One might be the answer to my prayers.

I found another minimalist blog. Happy happy happy. I find them so inspiring.

I also will have to post pictures of dinner. I have been working on it all day. :)

Happy Saturday!
-C

My Garden

 

I know it looks like a whole bunch of random containers with dirt in it now...but someday soon it will have tomatoes, lettuce, dill and basil. I refrained from buying real pots. It seems like such a waste.  

An Ode to Popcorn

It has lately come to my attention that I do not eat enough popcorn.

Now, lest you chastise me and say, "Shame on you, popcorn is so buttery salty and unhealthy", I would like to give myself a chance to defend myself.

You see, I was raised an a household in which the one evening snack was popcorn. My parents found it highly economical to purchase a 25 pound bag of popcorn from Costco and pop it over the course of several months. Because of this my evenings are rarely complete upon my return to my parents house without the popcorn I love so dearly.

And then....I had a revelation. No one eats popcorn or makes it the traditional way. Unbeknownst to many, you can acctually purchase the seeds bulk and pop them without a microwave or a fancy popcorn popper. All you need is a pan with a lid.

I am learning that popping popcorn on the stove top does take a degree of skill. The oil has to be the proper temperature and the have to be the right amount of kernels. I just look at it as a work in progress. Overall it is so much healthier than microwave popcorn bags or movie popcorn. Yes, there are a few burnt ones but it is so worth it.

Here is to you Popcorn...and your awesomeness!

-C

Reminiscing

I would not say that I am a fantastic student. I am simply an attentive one. But students of life tend to have good fortune. I have been not writing of personal stories or experiences on this blog much lately but as a student of life I feel compelled to tell a story of a memory.

I did not intend to go to the college I am at now. The fall of my senior year my mother became upset that I had yet to decide on which college I wanted to attend. She did not seem to understand that my peers and I were not particularly ready for this choice. We had been taught how to get in to college but were given no clues as to where. I settled on University of Idaho, a college which in retrospect would have been equally as good for me as the one I at now. But perhaps, and what if I had been equally displeased with where I was. Perhaps, I would have been overwhelmed by a campus so large and a student body so broad. Having known no different worked in my favor. But I will say this, nothing gave me the creativity that living here did.

As fall term progressed I kept off the weight I would have normally gained eating from the cafeteria by walking with my best friend. I did all the things normal dorm rats do. I watched Sponge Bob, ate cornflakes every day, wore my pjs, and stayed up late doing nothing. Occasionally I studied, but not much and neither did my friends. We would call our parents once a week but most times we zoned out or played Rock Band.

It was glorious this freedom we had attained. After fall term we felt cocky and satisfied. We had survived our first term of college! As I returned to the dorms the night before the winter term started I found myself with a map. We were planning spring break in January, three months ahead of time. We would go to Canada of course, because none of us were 21, and so we knew that by taking a venture to the grand Canadian frontier we could legally acquire the forbidden (albeit plentiful) drink.

What resulted after was a wanderlust that planted itself so firmly within our bones that we could not shake it and then it was suggested: we should go to the coast. With a three day weekend close at hand we sprang into action. We found a car, booked the hotel, mapped the route and stayed up late planning.

This event marks a huge turning point for me in my life. I suddenly felt like I was in control, not my parents, my teachers or anyone else who had forced me to do what I had not wanted all my life. None of us had responsibilities beyond school. And so we set off five of us in a truck, with a few backpacks, a guitar, a map, and some of the "forbidden substance".

The specific events of the adventure are to a point meaningless. They are full of a simple innocence and irresponsibility. They are of ocean, and sea air, late nights and lazy days. Of ice cream for breakfast followed by fish and chips and later by munchies to counteract the affects of young intolerance.

I fell in love with what I could do that weekend. I felt unstoppable and inspired. It awakened some stirring effect and every February since it haunts me still. The fact that the feelings that I came across that weekend, the freedom, the nirvana as one of my freinds said, has yet to be conjured in my life again makes me sad.

What have I done with my life since then? Chopped it into small bits and let it go? Left everything that does not further me? Lost a part of myself? This I am uncertain of.

Those on that trip? We have gone separate ways. Some of us live in other countries and some live here but have not been heard from in months. And maybe they look back on that weekend with the same fondness that I do, but maybe not. I do not think it matters. The lesson here is that what we have is fleeting and sudden. It may never be seen or heard of again. However, it cannot and should not be lost. The traces of it should always be dredged, if not unexpectedly, as a reminder of what we have had.

Education From Top Univerisities for FREE!

It has taken me a while to get around to writing this particular blog. Not because I was not excited about it. On the contrary! But rather, I wanted to do an adequate job of introducing such an exciting topic.

Self Education

Now lest you roll your eyes and think I am crazy, think again. Here are several things to consider when thinking about self-education.
1) "Education" at universities costs a ton of money. Half of that money will go toward supporting things that you may never take advantage of.
2) Secondly, while paying for said education you will have to take classes that you do not want to take or could care less about with professors who know how you feel so they themselves really don't want to be there either. What an awful situation for both parties and what a waste of time!
3) Traditional college kind of takes over your schedule and might not always provide "real world" experiences or require a tremendous amount of self discipline or hard work.

Now obviously not all of these things are cut-and-dried truths. I find incredible value in my college experience, but I see many people who don't. I feel that my college education will work as a spring board for my self education and that is when I come to this conclusion: If I do not desire to become a university professor than I do not need to consider grad school as seriously as I thought. I can rather begin to learn about the things I wish to learn about on my own time and dedication. It will pay off.

I typed "Self-Education" in the Google search box and I got some incredible hits, including colleges like Harvard, University of Washington and Yale, that provide free online classes. Yes, free classes from Ivy league schools. There are also classes available from organizations like BBC. Free online classic books and lectures as well as resources.

However, there is no such thing as a free lunch so there are a few stipulations. Some colleges provide only 5 free classes other provide far more. Some are just written lectures, others have video lectures, still others include assignments and reading material. There is no set structure, no grades, no "classrooms" and no diploma.

But, if you love to learn for the sake of learning than taking on a self-education project is not about degrees and grades. It is about learning new things and educating others. I see these classes as a way of supplementing my education and broadening my horizons. I plan to make a list of them and take them over time, likely this summer.

There are some areas that I would love to study but I have been unable to in college. Areas like Gender studies, journalism, classic literature, and humanities are things that I want to become more immersed in. But obviously the list of available classes trumps this puny one so I would encourage anyone with any kind of interests what so ever to check out the links I will post below.

One last thing to consider. Record all of the classes you take, all of them. Someday you might want to show it to an employer. They may ask about your education. "I have a bachelor's",  you can say, "and I also have this" and then you can hand them a list of self education courses. Not only does it look like you are dedicated and hard working but you also look like a bad-ass....or a know-it-all, or both.

Here are the links:
100 Best Self Education Sites
Self Education Resource List
A really sweet video series on American Cinema that I cannot wait to take.
The original Popular Science article that I read in 2009 which was intriguing and has not left my mind.

Cheers!
-CCosner

Lifestyle Choices

With my new found ideals of minimalism and eating I am making some personal lifestyle choices.

The first of these changes is to remove unnecessary things from my life. Things I don't use, things I don't wear and things I don't need I have been selling, donating or giving to other people. It is such a liberating feeling to do this. My wardrobe has gotten smaller, my desk cleaner and my bookshelf thinner. But what this leaves me with is a respect for what I have. I am lucky that I live in a place where wealth is so accessible. There are many who own far less than I.

There are many ways to execute the minimalist ideals. Some go so far as to get rid of most of their possessions leaving them with a few cloths, a toothbrush and a laptop. I do not think I will be this extreme. As a student I always will have a endless supply of paper, pencils, notebooks, textbooks, and office supplies. I really see nothing wrong with this. These are tools that are expendable. Another thing that I cannot completely weed away is my kitchen and its supplies. I am a foodie and therefore I cook a lot. Whatever I have I use. I have to be able to cook things adequately with the right spices, pans, and tools. But there are some things I am working to narrow down and simplfy.

1) My personal care routine: The amounts of lotion, bath gel, bubble bath, shaving cream, bath salts, shampoo, conditioning agents, face wash and perfume, that I own are astounding. I rarely use it, which should be evident, and I cannot really get rid of it on a clear conscience. To throw it away seems wasteful. So I have gotten rid of some of it and am working on using the rest bit by bit. In the end I think that I will only purchase one at a time, lotion, shampoo, conditioner, razors, and a face wash. My soap will be in bar form and all of listed items will be made locally or at the very least, domestically.     

2) My wardrobe: I never wear certain things but I hate to get rid of them. I tossed them in a bag anyway. I usually get cloths from other people who don't want them or I purchase them at a thrift store. That will be the trend that I will continue. I will just make sure to weed more regularly.

3) My bookshelf: I feel like this is a bit of a sin but I do have books that I won't reread anytime soon or that I don't really care about so I have been selling them to a local and independent bookstore for in-store credit. I will turn around and use the credit to by birthday gifts or purchase more books for myself. I don't see it as much of a loss in that respect.

There is more too it than that but I hit the high points. It has been a good exercise for me to do this. It really loosens my attachment to "stuff".

My other personal quest is that of eating. I have made some diet choices as well. I am currently not shopping at a grocery store but once a month so I can eat up the last of the food in my pantry. Then I will start over fresh. Here are my new guidelines.

1) No shopping at Wal-Mart or Safeway if I can absolutely help it.
2) No food in cans except tomatoes, beans, and soup.
3) No out of season produce. Must be from Pacific Northwest or California at the worst.
4) This goes for other food as well, local is a must.
5) Organic if possible. But not fake organic like Amy's Organic TV dinners. Gross.
6) Simple foods such as veggies, fruits, whole bulk grains, and yogurt.
7) Eco-friendly packaging.

Now as I said before, these are guidelines. If I can hit all of these points than it would be wonderful but that can be very challenging. But right now I am in transition. We will see where I am in a few months.

These new lifestyle choices will take time. They are not something that happens overnight or in a month. I am gradually shifting to them which I think is healthier than going cold turkey.

For your personal enjoyment I found a great essay series by the acclaimed food writer Alan Richman on the ethics of eating. It is both humorous and enlightening. Enjoy.

Work

I work a lot. It is safe to say I am a workaholic. I am a full time student and I have three less-than-part-time jobs. You know, little things that added up make me about $350 a month. It covers rent. Doesn't help that I can't make any more than $9 an hour in this town. The Recession sucks.

About that...I remember three years ago when I was a wee little freshman and I said to myself, "Thank goodness I am in college now because when I get out the Recession will be over and I will be able to get a decent job." Oh man. What was I thinking?

I went to the store today. I have spent $20 on food this year. Its a good damn thing because I don't know how I am going to feed myself once I graduate. At least I am good at starving.

Better sign up for more work hours.

Happy Monday.

Yoga

I have always been a fan of attempting yoga.

I try really hard, I do. But it seems that the idea of it can be more enticing that then end results. This spring I went through a bad breakup and a very stressful term. I bought a beginner dvd and worked every morning on a 15 minute routine. It was wonderful. I gained so much peace and energy from it. I am sure those months might have been more difficult without it.

But then, I lost my motivation. Unsure how to bring it back I have read Yoga Journal and continued to eat healthy. I do a sun salute every now and again but it is not the same. I seem to lack the dedication. This makes me sad. I want to be like those peaceful yogis are, twisted into lovely poses, radiating love and calm.

Winter time is tough for me. I tend to become sad because of the lack of sunshine. I dislike medicating myself in order to combat this problem and so I feel the need to seek alternate methods. This new year I want to take up yoga again. Maybe I will be less hard on myself. Only practice three times a week instead of everyday. Patience is something that I often lack. I think taking up yoga again will help me attain more of this.

A not so starving artist.

I wish I could keep and up to date and riveting blog like so many other bloggers in the wonderful land of the world wide web. But alas, I do not.

I am a proud patron of the "Happy Money Saver" Yes, that is the name. I kid you not. It used to be blog but now it is more a website. But if you ever want to see some extreme money saving, coupon wielding ladies than this is the place to go.

Now as a general rule it is not often that you see a student with with a hand full of coupons, a sale flier and a shopping list. This is usually a common sight for a woman with two kids stuffed into those plastic trucks on the ends of shopping carts. She is out for the best deals because her family relies on it. Plus she manages to squeeze the time out of her day to scour the weekly ads for the best deals. But this fall I have become much more thrifty in my grocery shopping thanks to the inspiration of this website. 

I live in a little town. We have four grocery stores. One is a discount outlet and the other three are major retailers. My system is as thus: get the ads for the major stores and look for the best deals. Make a list of things that I need. Compare prices with the discount grocery and see which is better. It is usually a safe bet to go there every trip. In the end, I probably scrape off about $5-$10 per trip.

Now honestly, this is not that much not compared to these crazy Money Saver women who go to the store and manage to pay $1.50 for $40 worth of stuff. ( I am not joking).  However, I am lucky enough to have been born with a very thrifty mentality and so I can do the math. This kind of savings over the course of the year adds up to be between $210 and $420. Not bad for a student. To extend this even more I cook at home and rarely eat out. When I eat out it is for lunch which is the cheaper alternative. To top that all off I often can get organic food at my discount grocery for the same price as the regular stuff at say Safeway. Unbelievable right? Yet very few students ever shop at this place.

Okay, yeah, I know I am weird. Most people that are under 25 do not think like me. But really, it is not that hard to do this kind of thing. I wish more people would do the same. We would be healthier, have more money in our bank account and feel that sense of homemaker accomplishment that comes from getting dinner on the table for under $10. That sentiment died in the 1950's. Too bad.

C+

I am disappointed. Majorly. Most of the time when grades drop I get pleasant surprises but not this time. This time I recieved a C in my Buddhism class. I was so upset I burst into tears. Now before you start judging and saying to yourself, "This girl is clueless, there a 99 million things for her to be upset about and getting a C in a class should not be one of them". Yes, I realize this. But I worked my butt off in this class. This term I did not party, procrastinate on my homework or anything that would lead to poor grades in a typical way. My spare time was spent working on intellectual pursuits and stimulating films, (from which I can pick out Buddhist themes by the way).

But honestly the thing that upset me most was that I calculated my grade beforehand, I had a B, an 83%. So I e-mailed my prof a very polite letter asking if there had been a mistake. I got an automated e-mail response, he is out of his office until next Monday. So much I can do about that.

A C has more implications than just being a C. I was mentally prepared to get an A, two B's and two S's or passing grades this term. S's do not count on your GPA and so my overall GPA would be a low 3.0. Not to worry. And of course this whole thing completely derails me. Yes, just like a train. Chugging along, feeling that life is good and then WHAM! derailed. Cars topple off, the engine rolls over, I am not sure if you have ever seen a derailment before but it is not pretty. Everything is just tangled and twisted medal. It takes weeks to clean up.

So to carry the metaphor further my derailment has upset cars full of my self-esteem, plans, hopes and general feelings about life.

Now here is where the pity party starts. (P.s.Your invited!)

Many of my close friends and relatives have left the country. My best friend is currently in Spain and travels around Europe on a regular basis. My cousin works in the Peace Corp in Zambia. Her and her sister are very excited to travel to Paris for Christmas. I am happy for these people. But its like working all summer at some horrible job when you know that other people are somewhere tropical doing everything they want to do.

I view life as a chess board; one strategic move at a time with a eye on what is to come, anticipating moves. I say to myself, "What should I do to get from where I am to where I want to go?" and I then lay the best foundation I can. But it often makes it so I a) work to hard b) don't always enjoy what is in front of me or c) am not as spontaneous as I should be. Right now I am working on not one but two Bachelors degrees to be completed spring of 2012. This has not been particularly easy. I busted my ass in high school for this. I laid the foundation for it years ago. That is just how I am.

I don't know where I was going with this post. Just rambling I suppose. Maybe the essence of this story is no matter how much you plan you cannot always anticipate everything. You have to roll with the punches. I think I will just take that advice and move on.

-C

First Day...

We had our first day of filming for The Glass Menagerie yesterday. At my college I have had the fortune of landing a part of Laura in this wonderful and collaborative film project. It has been an incrediable experience so far. Yesterday we shot two scenes. One was particularly intense emotionally speaking. It was a very successful day. I am very excited for more shooting.

Lost

See more at Postsecret.com

Better

Sometimes I feel like the world is passing me by. It is kind of a lonely thought. Sometimes I don't like school. The classes that I had been excited about are difficult and not worth it. The people are either lazy or cruel. Sometimes I am unsure as to what I am accomplishing here. It is disheartening.

Sometimes I listen to a band called Sigur Ros and they make it better. Today is icy and gray here. It is hollow.

Things will get better.

Summer again...

After a several month hiatus, I return to the blogging world! To be honest I have not had much to say over the past couple of months. I spent the majority of my time in the theater this winter and spring. I was in four different shows which gave me no time to go anywhere else. But summer has given me some sweet relief. I am so sad to see myself fall into the vicious cycle of constant endeavor. But without it I would not have been able to conquer what I so desperately had to. I became single again in January. It left me strangely bitter and alone as many break-ups do. However, it gave me an opportunity to really see want I want and need in my life and as I celebrate the 6th month anniversary of that split I find a strange peace in the fact that I could conquer what I did. What I have now in my life is richer, more wholesome, and what is more, completely mine.

I have spent my time going on short road trips and savoring the smallest of moments. If the past nine months taught me anything it is that I have to savor this time that I have. I returned to Camp Meadowood this year to work. I have met some wonderful people from all over the country that I would not have met ordinarily. My old roommate and I have been teaching Arts & Crafts. It is here in this beautiful wilderness that I can celebrate the love and freedom that exists in my life. I am so blessed, blessed beyond worlds. I try to recognize that every day.

In short most of my adventures over the past few months have been that of a personal and emotional journey rather than a physical one. But that is soon to change, for I am getting restless and need to get away. And with that I leave you in hopes that I will be writing again soon.

Namaste,
C